Somebody has to speak out against the damn honeybee lobby. All I hear lately (or rather, like 1% of what I hear, which is still a pretty big percentage when you count all the whining and work-related crap), is about how the honeybees are going extinct and we have to save them.

Bullshit! Bees sting. Sure, it's cute for your young children to dress up as honeybees for Halloween - we get it. That still does not excuse the bees' relentless stinging of us, nor does it make it okay. Everyone has this romantic notion of the birds and the bees, and flowers being pollinated, and if there weren't bees then we'd all starve to death. Wrong! If there weren't bees, we'd all get stung to death less, and that's all.

If you're an American, 90% of what we eat is corn, or comes from corn. And I'm pretty sure that's wind-pollinated (I'm not willing to do any research or look at any words that might prove me wrong, so don't even bring it up). So look, no bees are required for us to eat. Honey - we can make that ourselves, it's basically just sugar and water. Who eats much honey in this day and age, anyway? Maybe you put some in your tea. If so, I've got a suggestion for you - something that another animal makes from sugar - it's called rum. Maybe the first cup of tea doesn't taste as good, but the 2nd and 3rd are awesome. As for pollinating flowers - fuck flowers. All they do is look pretty and take up our land.

For all the bleeding-heart horticulturists out there, I'm sure science will invent some sort of robotic bee, if you ask it real nice. Or you could spend your days touching the stamen and pistil of each of your flowers in turn to fertilize them. I'm not sure what a horticulturist does all day anyway - make yourselves useful.

And when you're not spending your time manually jerking off flowers, could you spray some bee-poison?