9.20.2007


Trying to lose weight? I've got a plan for you. It's called the lazy man's diet. Say you're hungry, but you don't have any food in your hand right now... Not really worth the effort to go get up, find some food, and then move your teeth around and around chewing it up. Why not just skip it and lie on the couch instead? See? It really works.

Okay, now it's later, and you're more hungry. Hungry enough to actually get up and look for food. But here's the brilliant part - on the lazy man's diet, you don't keep any food in the house. So now, in order to eat, you've got to actually leave the house to get food. Also, we've thrown your car keys up on the roof. So are you going to go up on the roof, or walk to the grocery store, or phone your mom to come pick you up and take you to dinner? No, of course not. You're too lazy for that, and you don't want to have to listen to your mom lecture you about getting a job and getting off your big fat lazy ass. So, you just sit around some more.

Eventually, there will come a point where you have to choose between climbing onto the roof, stealing a car, walking to the store, or starving to death. At which point, you'll starve, and the world won't have to put up with you anymore. But at least your casket won't weigh 800 pounds, you big fat fuck.

-- posted at 08:28 -- 2 Comment(s)